A really bad headache

That day, I had a really bad headache. You know the kind, or maybe you don't. The kind that make you sick to your stomach, that make you not be able to think straight. I had that kind of headache. In fact, when it was all over, the first thing I did was throw up, but I am not sure if it was because of the headache or because you left.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go."

I thought I had my life under control. You know the kind of person that is always in charge, always in control, never wanting to show weakness. I have my kids, my education, my place to live. I have my life under control. An example of strength and perseverance.

But what I should have said is "My life could never be complete with out you. Please, don't go"

Now I sit here and wonder about you. You know the kind of questions that may never be answered. I replay those last moments, the words you said, the time we had. I read the letter you wrote me. And I wonder why I didn't see it coming, why I didn't know you were leaving.

But what I should have said is "We can get through this too. Please, don't go"


I didn't say any of these things. You know the life I live, filled with loss and sadness. I sit alone knowing I could never forgive, never forget what you did. How you gave up. How you quit when we were so close to winning. Knowing that I can never touch you, hold you, tell you how much I love you or how shattered my heart is.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go"

If only I hadn't had that really bad headache. Maybe then, I could have fought for us. Maybe then, my life would be perfect again.

Instead, I sit here wishing I had said "Please, don't go"

Beauty and Betrayal

It's been a long time since I've been here, I miss it. I think I'm going to try to do this more. I don't have much to say tonight, just a poem to share.


I called out your name
Trusting you would heal this pain,
Believing you would make it right
Loving you at very first sight.

I figured out early you didn't love me
I knew from the start flaws were all you see.
But for your love I constantly tried,
Even when it meant I lived a lie.

I gave away the one thing you wanted most
But that was when I needed you to hold me close.
My choice was impossible for you to comprehend
This one time your principles I needed to bend.
But instead you grew to hate my very being
Your heart turned cold and you stopped believing.

When I begged you to see who I really am
You realized you loved only him.
In your heart there was limited space
and how quickly you let him take my place.

So now its time to let you go
your hateful words, this lying show
Goodbye, farewell, so long for now,
maybe I'll earn your respect some day, somehow.