A really bad headache

That day, I had a really bad headache. You know the kind, or maybe you don't. The kind that make you sick to your stomach, that make you not be able to think straight. I had that kind of headache. In fact, when it was all over, the first thing I did was throw up, but I am not sure if it was because of the headache or because you left.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go."

I thought I had my life under control. You know the kind of person that is always in charge, always in control, never wanting to show weakness. I have my kids, my education, my place to live. I have my life under control. An example of strength and perseverance.

But what I should have said is "My life could never be complete with out you. Please, don't go"

Now I sit here and wonder about you. You know the kind of questions that may never be answered. I replay those last moments, the words you said, the time we had. I read the letter you wrote me. And I wonder why I didn't see it coming, why I didn't know you were leaving.

But what I should have said is "We can get through this too. Please, don't go"


I didn't say any of these things. You know the life I live, filled with loss and sadness. I sit alone knowing I could never forgive, never forget what you did. How you gave up. How you quit when we were so close to winning. Knowing that I can never touch you, hold you, tell you how much I love you or how shattered my heart is.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go"

If only I hadn't had that really bad headache. Maybe then, I could have fought for us. Maybe then, my life would be perfect again.

Instead, I sit here wishing I had said "Please, don't go"