Day 5: All about Noah

Today was really a day all about Noah. Bri was gone most of the day - so Noah and I went out to breakfast, went to Wal-mart to let him pick out the last of his Christmas presents, hung out and played trains with trains....for hours. He was in such a great mood and it's safe to say today was an awesome Noah day.


Noah and I went to this breakfast buffet we had heard lots about. It wasn't really it was hyped to be - but Noah thoroughly enjoy dipping his syrup-covered french toast in ketchup. Like really. He ate the whole piece like that.




After we were done playing trains, we went to pick up the Breeze. Noah was in a great mood and I actually got to catch a little video of him being his crazy self. For some reason, the minute a camera comes out, Noah gets super serious. So I hardly ever get great pictures or videos of him. It bothers me sometimes because if you were to judge by pictures, Noah would seem a truly miserable child. But in reality - he is the goofiest, craziest little kid I have ever met. He makes us laugh non-stop. Like right now, he's going through this dinosaur phase. He gets this crazy look on his face and starts chasing us like a dinosaur with rabies. He thinks it hilarious...Bri doesn't think so, most of the time.

Well, that's about it for now....how was your Christmas weekend?

Day 4: Christmas

To start off today - I should say Merry Christmas to you that are reading. We celebrated Christmas yesterday because Bri is spending Christmas with her dad, for the first time in many many years. Noah and I are enjoying a marathon of Mythbusters, with intervals of trampoline jumping in between. Here are a couple of the highlights from our Christmas.

(Santa came to say hello to us at dinner)

(Santa brought a toy for each kid)

(Noah just really liked Santa's beard)

(Bri wanted it to be a surprise right up until the end)

(Loving her presents - super into Barbies now)

(She made out pretty good this year :) )



Alright - well, that's our Christmas. Hope yours was great!

Day 3: Projects

Today was the day to complete some projects. (I'm posting early today because we have plans for tonight). The first project to get finished today was one that has actually been going on since Tuesday! It's been a lot of fun but I'm glad we are done.


As you can see, we started with lofty expectations for the amount of things we were going to do.
'
And after days of baking, the cookies were finally frosted and we were ready to make our Christmas presents: Baked goodie trays!


Each tray includes:
Pretzel Turtles
Butterscotch Haystacks
Rocky Road Fudge
Maple Walnut Fudge
Peanut Butter Fudge
Peanut Butter Cup Cookies
Sugar Cookies
And, a Gingerbread Cookie.

Now, the other Project for the day is actually one that makes me proud! I built it all by myself! Well, with a little help from my munchkins - passing me springs and counting.

My parents actually bought this as a Christmas present for the kids and had it shipped to us via the internet. When we woke up this morning, it was actually sitting in front of the front door. It's a good thing we were expecting it in the next few days - cuz I never even look out the front door. I had decided I wasn't going to even try to put it together without help, but Bri is leaving for her dad's in the morning and I felt bad that she wouldn't get to try it out. After reviewing the instructions, I decided I could possibly, maybe give it a shot.


And well, as you can see - I built it! The kids have been jumping on it on and off all day and so far it appears that I even did a good job. My hand is killing me from pulling 64 springs into place - but it was totally worth it!

I personally haven't taken a jump on it - the weight limit on the instructions is way low - so I'm afraid I'll take one big jump and crash through the middle or something! But for now - the kids are having a blast!


It's amazing the things you can do when you put your mind to it. One thing that I am learning being down here in Arizona is that I can do anything I want to do. I feel renewed and strong and independent again, something I really felt I lost (or got sucked outta me) back home. I think that I got so used to asking for help, that it became a crutch for me to not have to take care of myself. And in the process I started losing myself to. I started to feel ashamed of the person I was, the things I liked, the way I lived.

But it turns out - I really like myself and who I am.

And building a trampoline by myself, as silly as it is, reminded me of exactly why I came here and renewed my resolve to be me...and only me...for the rest of my life.

Day 2: Toilet Paper Everywhere

Today's topic: toilet paper.

My son is hopelessly obsessed with toilet paper. No matter where I hide the toilet paper, he finds it and unrolls is. Top of the closet, in the bathtub, under the sinks, in the closet, etc. When you ask him what he is doing, he quickly replies, "ummm, makin choo-choo train track".

It was funny for about three days, but now it's borderlining obnoxious. But since I am documenting my life for a year - this is currently my life.



Little piles of toilet paper...all over my house.

Holy Guacamole!

I totally forgot about my blog! The chaos of everything that has been happening the last few months has completely eaten my brain! So, thank you to my beautiful cousin, Jordan, whose blog you can see here, reminded me today about how much I love blogging! AND she introduced me to Project 365. You can read more about it here. The idea is to take a picture every single day. It becomes a beautiful work that you can look back on over the year, as well as a way to find what things are important in your life.

I think I am up for the challenge, so I've decided to give it a shot. Starting today. December 22, 2010. A day I would normally despise, considering the amount of even numbers. Yes, I hate even numbers, don't ask me why.

Here is my first - the beautiful storm /slash sunset we've had. The weather in Arizona is completely and wonderfully heaven. Granted, I don't believe in heaven...but if I did....the weather here would qualify. I know in a couple months it will be hotter then hell (hahaha, pun intended) but right now we are loving it.

Now the other part of Project 365 is taking a picture of yourself once a month. To chronicle how you change as well. So here, my unfortunate readers, is a picture of me, today. Don't worry - I won't do this to you again until next month!

Alright - so that's it. That's my new goal - to write and upload at least one picture of something important to me, beautiful to me, intriguing to me - to chronicle my life for a year. I have to warn you - my mind borderlines on dark..sometimes twisted...completely random...and sometimes goofy. So, if you go on this journey with me - hang on tight - it's going to be a ride.

A really bad headache

That day, I had a really bad headache. You know the kind, or maybe you don't. The kind that make you sick to your stomach, that make you not be able to think straight. I had that kind of headache. In fact, when it was all over, the first thing I did was throw up, but I am not sure if it was because of the headache or because you left.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go."

I thought I had my life under control. You know the kind of person that is always in charge, always in control, never wanting to show weakness. I have my kids, my education, my place to live. I have my life under control. An example of strength and perseverance.

But what I should have said is "My life could never be complete with out you. Please, don't go"

Now I sit here and wonder about you. You know the kind of questions that may never be answered. I replay those last moments, the words you said, the time we had. I read the letter you wrote me. And I wonder why I didn't see it coming, why I didn't know you were leaving.

But what I should have said is "We can get through this too. Please, don't go"


I didn't say any of these things. You know the life I live, filled with loss and sadness. I sit alone knowing I could never forgive, never forget what you did. How you gave up. How you quit when we were so close to winning. Knowing that I can never touch you, hold you, tell you how much I love you or how shattered my heart is.

But what I should have said is "Please, don't go"

If only I hadn't had that really bad headache. Maybe then, I could have fought for us. Maybe then, my life would be perfect again.

Instead, I sit here wishing I had said "Please, don't go"

Beauty and Betrayal

It's been a long time since I've been here, I miss it. I think I'm going to try to do this more. I don't have much to say tonight, just a poem to share.


I called out your name
Trusting you would heal this pain,
Believing you would make it right
Loving you at very first sight.

I figured out early you didn't love me
I knew from the start flaws were all you see.
But for your love I constantly tried,
Even when it meant I lived a lie.

I gave away the one thing you wanted most
But that was when I needed you to hold me close.
My choice was impossible for you to comprehend
This one time your principles I needed to bend.
But instead you grew to hate my very being
Your heart turned cold and you stopped believing.

When I begged you to see who I really am
You realized you loved only him.
In your heart there was limited space
and how quickly you let him take my place.

So now its time to let you go
your hateful words, this lying show
Goodbye, farewell, so long for now,
maybe I'll earn your respect some day, somehow.