Day 107: Shoot me now!

I took my last drink of water at 11:59pm last night. And chain smoked like there would be no today. Then went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, mentally prepared..I thought.

But I smoke this morning anyways. Because I'm a rebel like that.

Anyways, I got to the doctor's office at 10:30 and was taken back pretty quick. I flirted with the anesthesia guy...or he flirted with me. It was this bizarre conversation about raccoon suits, intravenous pick-up lines and the like. He knew I was very nervous and was very good to me.

So Doc came in and talked to me, then I was on my way. I got into the room and the guy told me whatever I go to sleep thinking about, I'll wake up thinking about. And with that - the process began. I focused all my energy on thinking about how funny Noah is and was out.

I woke up and instantly thought - omg ill never have another little noah inside of my belly. And started crying. I freaked everyone in the room out, but couldn't control it. I continued to cry, for the next hour. But at some point, I quit crying about never feeling a baby kick and start crying about the excruciatingly horrible cramping that hurt so bad I wanted to scream.

Tammy came and got me and brought me home. She offered to take Noah for the night for me, but Bri is already staying the night at a friend's house and I couldn't bare the thought of being kid-less today, so I brought him home with me.

Here is the before and after picture of my Fallopian Tubes...as if you really wanted to see that. But I think it's interesting, the coils in there.

And here is what is keeping me from actually ripping my guts out. Because omg it stills hurts. But I'm guessing this is taking the edge off.

When I got home I got Noah's pillows and blankets and turned on some cartoons and got into bed. Noah climbed up in bed with me and we snuggled until I fell asleep. I woke up about an hour and half later, when Preston called to let me know he was almost here to drop off my prescription of my pain pills. I looked around and didn't see know and instantly got worried. I ran out to grab my bottle from Preston and came back in to find Noah. I looked around, no damage done. Came back in my room and bam. There is was...fast asleep on my floor at the foot of my bed.

He found the sharpies I had hidden under my bed last night and colored all over his hands and head and didn't even put it down before he fell asleep.

When he woke up we ate a cupcake, played in my bed for a while, watched Cars, ate dinner, then went in his room for bed time games and story time. He's fast asleep now and it's very quiet in here. I've still got some seriously horrible cramping going on and I'm still feeling sad and like...I lost something. It hurts if I stand up or moved. But I know tomorrow will be way better. And it's done. No use crying now. I think.