Day 48: Manic Monday

Had I thought of it, I would have grabbed my video camera today. Because words can not explain what my days have been like lately.

Something is wrong with Noah. I know it, in my heart. Tammy knows it. Bri knows it. We all know it. More then the eczema. I mean, maybe it is the eczema, he is infected and itchy and bleeding all day. But I believe it's more then that.


He freaks out over things that make no sense, he screams horrifically at the smallest provocation, lacks any sort of self regulation, has fits of such strong anger that he can't stop hitting anything near him. He is angry, upset or unhappy about 80% of the time.

I have struggled to find the balance, to make him happy, for almost 2 years. I have lost a fiance, friends, and some days, my sanity because my son is too hard to handle. Some days, I feel like I can't do it. Like today.



I have googled Child Onset Bi Polar Disorder, ADHD, OCD, Mood Swings, etc. He definitely displays some OCD type behaviors, which many people that have watched him have noticed, he could have ADHD, but that is tough to diagnosis before the age of 8. COBPD is a possibility, but my mommy heart doesn't want to think about that yet.

There's a possibility of a sleep disorder. Which would cause the hellish moods and mood swings. I myself suffer from insomnia, sometimes very severely. Lack of sleep/exhaustion would definitely explain the irritability and lethargy.


But how could we tell? How would a doctor tell? Any problem we may have is buried so far under his ripped apart, bloody, rash we call his skin, that there is no way to even begin to find any thing else.

So here I am. A broken hearted, tired, frustrated mama, that loves her baby and feels like she can't help him.

By the way - these are just some pictures of my sweet, beautiful boy. Before he got sick.





Day 02 - A picture of the person you used to be close with.

This is Heather. She was my very best friend for several years. She is also my ex husband's sister. We grew apart as our lives took different turns. But every once in a while I think of her and appreciate all the times we spent together.