Day 38: Things I'm proud of

Before Noah was born, I spent a lot of time failing. Enrolling in college, quitting college, moving around, working crap jobs, etc.

Exhibit A: My transcripts. In May of 2008, I was carrying a 1.68 GPA.

But when I had Noah, everything in my life changed. I realized I needed to grow up, make a difference, take care of my kids. Some thing weird happens when you go from 1 kid to 2, it seems like your responsibility doesn't just double, but exponentially gets bigger. So I enrolled in college, one last time.

Amongst my naysayers, were members of my own family, friends, and the advisers at the college. I was going to try to do it to fast, I was going to waste the last of my money, I never see things through, it's never going to happen. And yet...semester after semester...I proved them all wrong.

Exhibit B: I made the Presidential Honor Roll for 4 semesters in a row.

Exhibit C: I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree only 2 years later...with a 3.46 GPA.And carried a 4.0 for the last 2 full semesters. (Missed the other 2, because of a B in Math and a B in Biology- Grr)

But it wasn't enough to just get my Degree, I had to take 5 separate national standardized tests to prove my knowledge.

My lowest score was 9 points from perfect. A passing score was 156.

And I was certified. Not certifiable. Though probably that too.

The sad part about it was that no matter how hard I worked, how well I did, how impressed my professors were, I still didn't feel good enough. When I got my Bachelor's Degree, not one person called to celebrate with me. The people that should have been so excited and proud...weren't. And it made me feel worthless.

But guess what!?!

I'm not worthless, and what I did was amazing and pride worthy. And not a day since I received my degree have I really gotten to be proud.

So today, having finally gotten the career I've been waiting for, that pays what my degree makes me worth, I am proud.

I no longer care that she couldn't return my phone call. I no longer care that he hasn't tried to talk to me, or even acknowledge how much he hurt me. I don't care that they aren't proud of me like they should be or that they have never accepted me for me. Because I am proud of my self. And my worth depends only on me.