Day 39: Dealing with the past

Once upon a time, I was part of a big family. One I couldn't wait to go visit in the summers. I remember hating the drive, but loving the destination.

My grandpa's house always smelled wonderful, and had an big, loud floor clock that chimed every hour. He had a garden with rhubarb in it that the rabbits always ate, and a basement that scared the heck out of me.

He lived close to my favorite cousin in the whole world, Brad. His older brother was closer to my age, but I always got along better with Brad. Man, I loved that kid. I remember his mom being the sweetest woman ever and his dad selling Arizona tea. I remember Anne, had schnauzer dogs and Doug, my uncle looking just like my dad. And I remember how happy she was when she had her daughter.

I remember summers on the lake, with Matt, Amanda, and Paul. Matt was my best friend growing up. And man did we get ourselves in all sorts of messes. I remember setting fires in the weeds and swimming and fishing tournaments. I remember Amanda thinking I was the coolest thing ever, and Matt and I always trying to hide from her (no offense, Amanda, if you read this - you've grown into such a beautiful woman). I remember tire swings in the summer, and their big dog that always chased our car.

And I remember my dad. Who loved to fish and hunt. Who loved us kids. Who loved his best friend, John, and his family.

But my dad's life was cut short. An accident at his work. One that forever changed the course of my life, and others.

After he died, I only saw that family twice. They were gone. It was over. I don't even know them now, and all they know of me is speculation and stories. I don't even know if my grandpa is still alive, where any of them live, how their lives have been. Except for what I get to see on Facebook now.

And I miss them. I miss all of them. There is no way to get that life back, it will never be. And I think part of me has avoided dealing with that reality for the last 15 years. But the reality is that life deals us all different cards. Things we don't expect, we never see coming. All we can do is make the most of what we have and continue to move forward.

So Brad, Corey, Rachel, Nathan, Matt, Amanda, and Paul, John and Leah, Cathy and Rod, Anne and Doug, Grandpa, if any of you ever read this - I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a childhood full of great and happy memories. When I look back, you all come to mind, and I smile thinking of you.